a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
