She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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