I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
