You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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