At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
