Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
