my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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