I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
