is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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