This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
