My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
