Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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