My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
