her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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