and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
