um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
