I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
