my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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