areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
