Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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