I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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