I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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