What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
