And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize