apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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