i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
