No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
