I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize