We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
