dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
