You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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