remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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