We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Still dying that you shit outside
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
