i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
