Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
