and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize