Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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