Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
