it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
