shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
