We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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