Pants 0. Shit 1.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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