Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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