i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
