Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
