I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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