I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
