I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
