god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
