You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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