I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
