Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
