A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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