i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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