I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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