I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
false alarm, still single
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