No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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