i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
