she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
