11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Terrible idea I love it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
