Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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