You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
