she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
