Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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