I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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