O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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