Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
