I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
