It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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