You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
