He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
