I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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