Will you blow on my dice?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize