ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
