Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize